The Perilous Princess Plot Read online

  “Mnnnn?” said Lavender innocently.

  “Lavender, have you not had enough of princes yet?”

  “Oh, was I sleep-talking?”

  “No, you were not sleep-talking,” Eliza replied through gritted teeth. She sat up in bed. “You were talking-talking. Did all that kidnapping, imprisonment, and escaping from dragons not teach you anything?”

  “Of course it did!” said Lavender. “It taught me lots of things. It taught me how spiders are not always your friends. And how sometimes my singing is so beautiful it can make people—or dragons—quite overwhelmed with emotion. Which can be bad for their health—”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what happened,” said Eliza.

  “And it taught me that if you’re going to get rescued by a prince, you should really make sure that he’s a true prince.”

  There was a pause. A pause in which Eliza’s face expressed some deeply felt emotions. But, since the room was dark, Lavender couldn’t see them.

  And so, very quietly, Lavender whispered goodnight to the rest of the princes.

  “Goodnight, Prince Rudolph the Unusual. Goodnight, Prince Chlknklkgkfj the Unpronounceable. Goodnight, Prince Olaf the Simply Fat … Goodnight, Fair Bonnet, who might be a prince…” Lavender whispered.

  “Goodnight, who?” said Eliza, sleepily.

  “Hmmmn? Nothing. What? I’m asleep. I’m babbling. Tomato,” said Lavender unconvincingly. “Goodnight.”

  Lavender gazed up at the portrait of Bonnet that had mysteriously appeared on her bedroom wall. Beside her, Eliza was already fast asleep, dreaming of their next adventure.

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  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Three Again

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Copyright

  A FEIWEL AND FRIENDS BOOK

  An Imprint of Macmillan

  BUCKLE AND SQUASH: THE PERILOUS PRINCESS PLOT. Copyright © 2014 by Sarah Courtauld. All rights reserved. For information, address Feiwel and Friends, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to [email protected].

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

  ISBN: 978-1-250-05277-3 (hardcover) / 978-1-250-08015-8 (ebook)

  Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto

  Originally published in the UK as Buckle and Squash and the Monstrous Moat-Dragon by Macmillan Children’s Books, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited.

  First published in the United States by Feiwel and Friends, an imprint of Macmillan.

  First U.S. Edition: 2015

  eISBN 9781250080158

  mackids.com

  *What was Gertrude thinking really? Was she thinking: “I couldn’t agree more. Lavender is the worst singer since Sister Margaret released her album Songs for Phlegmy Voices?” Or was she thinking: “I am a magical time-traveling goat from outer space and, WOW, do I regret landing here rather than my intended destination in the year 215346B, where goats are worshipped and float around on silver cushions in the sky?”

  Or was she just thinking “Yum” because she had just gobbled one of Eliza’s socks off the washing line?

  We’ll never know.

  *Unfortunately, he didn’t read that bit.

  *If by “a lot” you mean “zero.”

  *This has been tested. It doesn’t.

  *Eliza was quite wrong about that. Boris had bathed in some pigeon poo only yesterday.

  *Mordmont didn’t actually say that last bit.

  *No it isn’t.

  **Yes she is.

  *Mordmont had forgotten to feed her.

  *Those last two weren’t really jobs. They were just things he’d done quite a lot of.

  *Actually, it was Sidney’s cousin, Dave.